4 Questions to Improve Communication in Marriage
It’s not always easy to recognize when communication has taken a wrong turn, but without acknowledging the problem, couples can't move forward. The following questions are a helpful starting point for anyone who wants to communicate more effectively and build a stronger connection in their marriage.
1. Am I really listening to my spouse?
It’s easy to get distracted during conversations, especially after a long day. One spouse may want to talk, while the other is mentally checked out, sometimes offering only half-hearted responses. In some cases, people spend more time thinking about their response than actually listening to what's being said. This leads to frustration and a breakdown in communication.
Instead, give your spouse your full attention. Make eye contact, put away distractions, and focus on what they’re trying to share. Listening with intention builds trust and strengthens emotional connection.
2. Am I often critical of what my spouse says or does?
Criticism, whether subtle or obvious, can chip away at the foundation of a marriage. It might show up through sarcasm, passive-aggressive remarks, or blunt correction. Over time, one partner may begin to feel disrespected, unseen, or like they can't do anything right.
Criticism often stems from pride or a desire to be "right." But constant correction or nitpicking can do more harm than good. Instead of focusing on flaws, try to offer grace when possible. If something important needs to be addressed, bring it up with kindness, respect, and a goal of improving the relationship, not tearing the other person down.
3. Do I use phrases like “You ALWAYS” or “You NEVER” when arguing?
These words are red flags in heated conversations. They tend to exaggerate and escalate rather than clarify or resolve. For example, saying “You NEVER help around the house” or “You ALWAYS dismiss what I say” can cause the other person to shut down or lash out in return.
While these phrases aren't bad in themselves, how they’re used matters. Instead, try flipping the script with positive reinforcement. For instance: “You ALWAYS make me laugh when I’m stressed,” or “You NEVER give up when things get hard.” A shift in tone can change the entire direction of a conversation.
4. Do I shut down conversations with one-word responses?
Words like “Fine,” “Whatever,” or “Okay” can signal withdrawal or avoidance. They often shut down meaningful dialogue rather than keep it going. Sometimes, people use these words because they don’t know how to respond, or they’re simply too tired or overwhelmed in the moment.
While it’s okay to need space, aim to respond with thoughtfulness when possible. A short pause before answering or a simple “Can we talk about this in a bit?” can go a long way in keeping communication respectful and open.
Final Thoughts
These questions aren’t meant to bring guilt, but awareness. Recognizing unhealthy habits is the first step toward healthier communication. If you realize there's room for improvement, don't be discouraged. The next step is to make it your mission to make the necessary changes to start healthily communicating with your spouse.
If you aren’t sure where to start consider having regular check-ins, watching relationship videos, or seeking guidance from a trusted counselor or marriage coach. The goal isn’t perfection. It’s progress. And the more a couple commits to growing together, the stronger their relationship will become.
