5 Ways to Keep a Disagreement from Becoming a Fight
Marriage doesn’t mean you’re going to agree on everything. In fact, you can count on having disagreements simply because you and your spouse are different people.
You won’t always see eye to eye, and while disagreements are inevitable, full-blown arguments don’t have to be. The goal is to work through conflict without harming your relationship.
Here are 5 things to remember when you and your spouse disagree:
1. Keep Things in Perspective
Not every disagreement needs to become a battleground.
It’s normal to disagree with your spouse—it doesn’t mean something is wrong.
Watch out for pride. The mindset of “I’m right, you’re wrong” can quickly escalate a simple disagreement into a major argument.
Choose curiosity over combat. Ask yourself, What can I learn from their point of view?
2. Listen to Understand
Respect is shown not just in what we say, but in how we listen.
Let your spouse share their thoughts without interrupting.
Avoid cutting the conversation short, even if you feel uncomfortable.
After listening, respond thoughtfully—not defensively. Keeping the dialogue open builds trust and understanding.
3. Don’t Assume or Jump Ahead
It’s easy to think you know what your partner is going to say, but that can lead to miscommunication.
Pause and really listen before responding.
Try repeating back what you heard: “So what I’m hearing is...” This helps ensure you’re both on the same page.
Assumptions close the door on connection. Understanding opens it.
4. Learn to Compromise
Marriage isn’t about winning—it’s about working together.
One person being “right” all the time doesn’t build intimacy.
Look for middle ground that respects both perspectives.
Remember: you're not on opposite sides—you’re on the same team.
5. Pause to Pray Together
When emotions run high, hit pause and reset—together.
Praying as a couple helps shift the tone from tension to humility.
It doesn’t have to be long or formal. A simple, sincere prayer can create space for peace.
Don’t wait until you’re desperate—make prayer a habit in your relationship, not just a reaction.
Try something like:
“God, help us to understand each other and speak with kindness. Calm our hearts and remind us that we’re on the same team. Lead us toward peace and unity. Amen.”
Disagreements are unavoidable, but fights aren’t. When handled well, conflict can actually strengthen your relationship, deepen your communication, and draw you closer.
What’s one small shift you can make in your next disagreement to stay connected instead of combative?
